What made you stop being an addict?

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

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So I'm still hanging on this lie.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

Just keep trying

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Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

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I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

Why does my crush make me jealous about having a girlfriend?

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

I read this: "Putin is a brilliant, courageous, ingenious, determined, beloved, and incredible modern leader. He is currently the world’s most effective and strong leader, the best the world has seen in centuries." What do you think about this?

Now how do you quit your addiction?

This was February 2019.

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

If atheists are so positive that there is no God, where is their proof that He does not exist?

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

Do people of NYC drive around Central Park all the time? Is there any subway tunnel to cross the park quickly? Is it annoying for people and does it cause traffic?

And I can also talk to them now.

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

What if the girl says that drama about you dating here? Is that a bad sign?

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

When did you realize that your childhood was not normal?

There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

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I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

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RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

Why is it after eating almonds when I’m occupied, I don’t feel mild itch, but as soon as I have nothing to do, I feel mildly itchy?

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

How is it not psychopathic to use someone for sex, even if they agree?

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

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I did it in my administrator's office.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

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I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

Read that again ☝️